A list.. Because I like making them

I'm excited to rebalance my life. I was pretty good about keeping it in order this summer, except towards the end. But I think that is natural and I turn to Eat, Pray, Love's proposal that it is necessary to fall out of balance for love sometimes. Anyway, there is a lot of stuff I want to experience in life... actually.. there is very little I do not want to... which is why, I've come to conclude, I make so many lists. They help me remember what I REALLY care about and then align my actions accordingly instead of always going off on whims.

Things I desperately want to do in life:

Go to Burning Man
Hike the entire Appalachian Trail
Peace Corps
Study yoga/meditation in India
Spend some time at a monastery
Spend a summer volunteering at Kripalu
Study macrobiotic cooking here - http://www.kushiinstitute.org/

Get a PhD from this program - http://histcon.ucsc.edu/index.html!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Go through this program and come out bruised and beaten and rejuvenated
and certified to teach 5 rhythms - http://www.gabrielleroth.com/!!!!!!!!!!! (sidenote: sometimes I go to this website for hours and get so lost listening to Totem [or whatever other music is on repeat].. like right now =) )

The last two I want so so badly it almost hurts to think about them!!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!


Things I want to make a part of my life forever/keep pursuing:

yoga..forever..until I die!
writing
practicing the act of loving unconditionally
reading
guitar

... I think these things are things I will be able to do all of my life, even when I am old and frail, which is why they seem so appealing.

I'll have to probably think long and hard about timing because I also want to fall in love and get married and have a family and when that happens I won't be able to do the things on that list that involve traveling and intense study because I'll be preoccupied with my fam! Actually, come to think of it, I should probably get moving on some of these if I want to fit them all in! God forbid I have to make sacrifices! I hate doing that! hahaha!

I read over my entire blog last night. It was funny and shocking and beautiful and I'm glad that I have it to keep track of how my ideas/outlook has evolved and to remember how I felt at specific moments in time. Right now, I'm thinking a lot about when exactly all of these ideas took place and the conditions that allowed for them to be made manifest in my blog. I'm reading a cool book right now and one of the author's hypothesis' is that success in life is predicated on predetermined variables like what month you were born in (for some things.. Canadian hockey to be exact). Basically, if all your stars are aligned correctly (metaphorically speaking) then you'll be able to attempt to rise to the top of whatever field you pursue in what is very much a meritocracy. I think this is how love works, as well - you don't just fall in love - you have to be prepared to let it fall into you.
I guess what I'm also trying to get at in a very circuitous manner is that a lot of my mental/emotional/spiritual progress/current beliefs was/were both upended and cemented in college. I remember at times being so pretentious. And then so humbled. And then so confused. And I'm trying very hard not to talk about specific people, but I'm wondering how I should go about letting all of that happen to you. There are things in life that we can talk about and read about, but there are processes in life that we have to go through - we have to allow ourselves to be stripped of our beliefs, to be thrown into murky water so we can find somehow find our way up to the surface where we can breath fresh, new air again. I guess loving you means sitting back and watching college work its magic on you, all the while knowing that you might not be anywhere near the same person you were when you went in.

Anyway, I anticipate writing in here a lot more because I will have a bajillion new ideas/beautiful things thrust my way once grad school kicks in in about a week. Am I really going to grad school??!?! OMG!