Summer - done with you

This is probably not the most ideal time to blog about summer since A) it is not even over yet (close enough) and B) I'm not feeling particularly objective, but what I am feeling is nostalgic for some odd reason and my hope is that it might translate into objectivity. Or maybe I don't hope that.. I don't know. Anyway, throwing care and caution to the wind and in order to get the ball rolling, I'll start with a cliche - summer flew by so fast! That's a very normal thing to say, but they always do! Especially the good ones! Which they usually are! I think I started remembering, or rather, seperating Summers from the rest of my time on this Earth some time during High School when I realized that Summer was an actual event. This was a good one. It basically consisted of Pippin, working at the Gym, and Hilton Head Island with a side of some other important things/people/books/ideas that I guess can also be classified as events.

Hmmm an event. What is that? A person can be an event right?

1. something that happens or is regarded as happening; an occurrence, esp. one of some importance.
2. the outcome, issue, or result of anything: The venture had no successful event.
3. something that occurs in a certain place during a particular interval of time.
4. Physics. in relativity, an occurrence that is sharply localized at a single point in space and instant of time.

Seems as though an event requires some sort of change or at least seem tangible occurence. Pretty vague hahaha. Maybe therein lies the beauty of creating something meaningful in life? Making everything an event? A person, a walk to the fridge, feedings the cats. I guess what I mean to say is that infusing life with intentionality is where it's at. sometimes. hmm. And why are some things events and other things not... I guess that is a nice segue into theater where intentionality is the driving force.

Pippin was sweet. It was the big event of my summer and the one I will most likely remember when I reflect back on 2009 in years to come. There are alot of things I want to say about it - the people involved, the plotline, the characters, the process, the audience response, theater in general, the life I lived while I was involved in it etc.etc.etc. What I can say right now is that theater makes me hyper-sensitive to life and the whole process of living and I really love that about it. When you are onstage or preparing to exhibit your skills on stage for an audience then every little movement and thought matters. Man, I really wished I had kept a daily blog of the whole experience because there were moments when this idea seemed so poignant that I now am having trouble grasping ahold of. I remember reading about a stagehand for Charlie Chapman or someone once whose job in the show was to come out for a brief 10 seconds at the beginning of every show and hold up a cue card of some sort that the audience had to read. When he wrote about this "event" he talked about how hard is what standing there and trying to be in character, feeling every fiber of his being placed or moving or being still in some specific way... even though he was essentially just a prop (aren't we all....). I felt this way at times when I was lying in the back of the stage, playing dead, behind all the dancers, essentially out of sight, yet still assigned a role to play. There were also these weird moments when I was singing when I felt like dance and movement and sound where all the same.. when I could actually feel my voice and what was coming out of my mouth as if it were something tangible, as if I had to train my throat to move in a similar way every time it wanted to emit sound so that every show wold be the same. Maybe this is not some big revelation because I haven't been trained too intensely in vocals, but it's cool nonetheless. I also felt intentionally running through every fiber of my being when I did this really slow, sexy (I hope!) walk to the middle of the stage during one scene. I had to squeeze my stomache and engage my cheek muscles and allow my fingers to hang loosely and feel first the ball of my foot and then the middle and then my heel all wedding me to the stage and every muscle seemed so important. I remember feeling really grateful that yoga happened into my life during these times because it has taught me so much about mind/body/spirit multi-tasking.

I think that in this sense, theater is so therapeutic. Know thyself. That is what I think of when I think of theater. Know thyself from mind to head to toe to breath to spirit to ego and use all of these different parts of yourself to create yourself into a character who is capable of taking on another character onstage.

There was also this one time during our run when our director said something along the lines of "you're not acting anymore; you are just being." I felt that hardcore. Especially during Corner of the Sky and Simple Joys and the Finale. I was purely and simply just enjoying being on stage, dancing, being, the people, the audience, the whole experience. I remember when I first learned the movements associated with each of these songs..I had to try really hard to smile. Imagine that? I thought I had to rack my memory for some good times and remember what it felt like to smile. Then, just by virtue of rehearsing and repeating I realized that this came naturally to me and, magically, I was able to just be and not act anymore.

I love theater. In and of itself. I love watching it and learning about it and doing it. But, as with anything in life, it is not all encompassing. What I don't like about theater is the lifestyle is requires. Don't get me wrong, I loved everyone involved, because we are all essentially the same, but at times, actually a majority of the time, I felt like if I wasn't at a party or in a dance or at a rehearsal or just there and I missed out on something then I was out of the loop... and I'd feel disconnected... and I think that a big part of theater is about being connected to the people you are involved in it with. But I don't want to feel personal connections with that many people. They are too fleeting. Just one or two lasting ones seems to do the trick... in life. Which is why I'd rather keep theater as a hobby than make it a lifestyle.... I'll actually write more about this..

but it's nice out.. so i'm going outside. later Blog.

..... maybe I'll just leave this one with a little summary.

This summer was nice. I saw myself moving forward for the most part, backward in some moments of weakness, but I was caught up in the stream of life, staying active and involved, but also grounded and disengaged when it was necessary.

I am slowly learning how difficult unconditional love is. But I'm not giving up on getting to that point. Thank God that I have an abundance of people in my life, some of whom are there to try my patience, others who are easy to love, and still others who are a bit of both. I'm grateful for them all because they are helping me develop in a way that I would not be able to if I didn't have such an eclectic mix of individuals helping me to do it.

Before this summer I did a lot of watching. I watched my thoughts, myself, my reactions, my resposnes to other people. This summer I was very much inside of myself, an active participant in my own life instead of an observer. Who knows what I will be now.