Hope and the 4th dimension

Hopefulness. Is it such a good thing? The best of things? Yoga, silence, meditation (things that are conducive to facilitating intense consciousness) and my preferred lifestyle in general has made me hypersensitive to retrospection and my general progression and stasis as a human being. And what I've noticed recently, or I guess been thinking about recently, is that a lot of the time I live my life in a perpetual state of hopefulness, of dreaming, of optimism - future orientated. Even the way I conceive of the people around me - as being made up of layers, as a multidimensional thing housed in this energetic body equipped with an ego and subject to the tides of externality, as being more than what they say, do, think, or feel... (but also only what they say, think, do, or feel) - is hopeful - pointing to something beyond, something inconceivable, like death I suppose. And this is what I mean when I say I love everyone (or strive to)... the rich man, the poor man, the talented man, the homeless man, the athlete, intellectual,  schizophrenic, guru... what you are is 60% a product of your upbringing/environment and 40% a product of your own doing/undoing.... maybe even 70/30 or 80/20.... and so if you fall into any of the categories that society admires like rich, talented, fabulous, athletic, intellectual, charismatic that's fantastic but also lucky. And if you fall into any of the other ones like poor, talentless, out of shape, dumb, boring that's also fantastic, just unlucky. And hearing your story, how you got to where you are no matter who you are, is fascinating.

This outlook has enabled me to not hold grudges and to not become bitter or adopt debilitating emotions like hatred or cynicism, but has it also inhibited my capacity to love? to connect? to create lasting relationships or things of duration? are these even things that I desire? Lately, in the past few months or so, I've stopped being so hopeful. Now, when I have to give a sermon at church or write a speech for this organization or that or give advice to someone or engage in conversation or listen to a really passionate and inspired something or other, I find that I am less inclined to use/less motivated by words like "someday" or "dream" or things of that sort. Just breath seems to be more sound advice and a better way to approach life. If you are always hopeful then you are never fully present right? But if you are never hopeful then the here and now is all there ever is and that is debilitating and even depressing sometimes.

This is not to say that I am hopeless, that I've given up on positivity or surrendered to the ebb and flow of mundane life - although I guess I've sort of made it sound like that. In actuality, being less hopeful has made me feel more alive, more positive, more present.

During an intense conversation last night, the topic turned to the 4th dimension and how we have tools like math and physics to point to it or angles and equations to try and depict it visually, but how we can never really comprehend it because it is something abstract. It is something that takes what we know to be true, reality as we know it, namely the 3rd dimension, and pushes it a step further, to another realm that we can only philosophize about. One of my friends brought up the analogy of a dog tied to a post circling round and round and how he could only understand his reality according to the radius to which he was bound. Like the Shaman in What the Bleep do We know? or the shadows in Plato's Allegory of the Cave... both the same sort of thing. So why does such a thing exist? Why have mathematicians and physicists conceived of the 4th dimension? Why are we hopeful? Why can't that dog imagine a world beyond the post to which he is tied? 

So how about this episode in Bikram the other day. Now Bikram is unlike any other form of yoga because there is a very, very specific 90 minute dialogue, a very, very specific way to enter in and out of each pose, and a very, very, specific way that you are supposed to approach the practice in general. It is not nurturing and it is completely unapologetic. In fact, I often refer to it as military yoga. One teacher starts her class by saying "all you have to do is listen to me for the next 90 minutes, let your mind go, and just do what I tell you to do." This is exactly how Bikram should be done. Now, there is a teacher at my studio who talks a lot, probably more than he should during the course of the class And there is a pose, in the middle of the practice in a room heated to 105 called Triangle pose that is pretty hard to perform at this point in the practice. The other day, while we were all in this pose, the teacher started chatting about the weather or something arbitrary like that. He went on and on and we stayed in the pose way longer than we had to. And this is one instance of many others that I can think of in many other studios. You come into the practice with the expectation that you are going to come out feeling peaceful, reenergized, mindful, not agitated, that the teacher is going to be soothing, caring, conscious of your needs or limitations. And then during some point in the class they start going off on a tangent, talking about something completely unrelated to yoga, often during a hard pose or a taxing moment when you just want to get on with the practice. And there will always, without fail be students who come out complaining "why was he talking about that? why couldn't he just get on with the practice? why did we have to stay in Triangle for an extra 10 seconds? I don't like this or that etc. etc. etc."

But this is exactly what yoga is supposed to teach you - how to stay present, peaceful, and unreactive in these exact situations. If yoga is the union of mind, body, and breath (definition) then it shouldn't matter what the teacher it talking about - it's just another moment, just another direction, just another recitation for us to absorb and respond to without judging it or reacting unfavorably to it. So a bad teacher is actually a blessing in disguise...   sort of like..everything... 

So then when does yoga stop being yoga? If I'm in a class like Bikram where I know that there are 26 poses done a very specific way and the teacher starts going off on a tangent or sacrifices the integrity of the practice in some way, shape, or form then what do I do? When does Bikram stop being Bikram? When do I start getting reactive? Or rather do I ever start getting reactive? Maybe we should place our faith in the law of natural selection as a means by which to weed out the good from the bad, the progressive from the lackluster?

Is yoga just a way to brainwash me into believing that life is nothing more than a sequence of disconnected moments? Is it? Why were we having that intense conversation about the 4th dimension last night and what is the point in discussing the state of the world, the future, galaxies, things that we cannot possibly fathom, things beyond our comprehension, comprehension itself, - what is the point of hope? And on the other hand, what is the point of discussing that chair over there, my nailpolish, the food we are eating, your haircolor, my present emotional wellbeing? 

Because this is what we do. This is how we stay alive. We talk about mundane things, we talk about abstract things, we talk and do and live and feel and maybe it's all just the same - different deviations of the same energy. All distractions. All ways to ward off death, to keep us alive, breathing, living, loving.

And so the 4th dimension is a really groovy intersection of the real and the abstract. It is stuff of this sort - worlds beyond, virtual reality, different articulations of timespace, the limitations of language... the esoteric, that I turn to whenever I am feeling frightened, egotistical, lonely, ancy, or any other unsettling emotion. Which makes me wonder if such concepts, such abstractions were only invented as ways to keep us balanced, in check, as reminders that this is not all there is because we were feeling anxious and nervous that this really might be all there is. And if so, is there any point in determining whether or not there is any Truth in such things? Maybe just thinking about the possibility of their existence is good enough.  If Life is a Great Big Balancing Act then it is about using the stuff/ideas/conceptions/abstractions that comprise our lives to keep us in balance, to help us stay sane.

the 4th dimension - an abstraction of the real that makes us think about the infinite possibilities that keep us living, breathing, loving. And it is abstractions of the real that keep the circle of life in motion, that keep us hungry and foolish - two very important things that I hope we stay.