This is what I think about technology and social networking... I think that social network sites like Facebook, twitter, and Google Wave, although I don't actually know much about GW, are making us more impatient. They are informing the way we think, act, feel, and approach the events/situations in our lives. Now, it seems, that experiences are not weighted as heavily if they cannot somehow be captured and exploited on the internet. It doesn't so much matter how we are feeling, sensing, being, becoming if we cannot share it with others. These social networking sites are also making us take ourselves to seriously. You have a thought, you put it online without even thinking about what you are saying most of the time, and then, before you know it, it is out there in the world and others are giving it weight, responding to it, allowing it to shape the way they view you and, correspondingly, the way you view yourself. We become interpolated by our own thoughts because now our thoughts have a material quality about them. The internet allows us to make our thoughts real. Karl MArx wrote about "the mystical quality of commodities"... about commodity fetishism and how commodities always stand for something larger than themselves. Now our thoughts have been commodified by virtue of the internet. One of the most important things that a yoga instructor taught me was to "let thoughts pass by like clouds." Don't get bogged down in your thoughts. This is EXACTLY the REVERSE of what the internet causes us to do. We can't help but attach substance, life, meaning, and longevity to our thoughts because they are written down in words; because we can remember what we were thinking at any given point in time via tweetz, status updates, and blogs. We become nostalgic or bitter or in awe of our former selves and often compare what we used to be to what we are now via this new way of remembering.
We are depressed, sad, sick, lonely, and afflicted in a million other ways because WE ATTACH SO MUCH WEIGHT TO OUR THOUGHTS. We think every little thought matters, but really very few of them do. and the internet intensifies our capacity to attach weight and relevance to our stupid little thoughts. Here's an example: recently, I was frusterated, so I wrote something online to someone I love that was completely insensitive but it was only becuase I took that one little frustration and threw the weight of the world on its back and forced it to matter, to be real, and now it's out there in the world, on the internet, referential, and it came from my head and out of my fingertips and now it defines a part of me. And, ironically, that moment was such a rare moment. But THAT'S the one I chose to put out into the world?!?!?!
what the F Leila?
The reality of all this is, however, that OUR THOUGHTS ARE FLEETING AND BARELY MATTER. I remember another good friend of mine called me up once because he/she was having suicidal thoughts. I gave them the same advice that my yoga teacher had given me; let thoughts pass by like clouds. But that sometimes seems so hard to do when you are caught up in a depressing, weighty, lonely moment... AND because we are living in the digital age where thoughts are made to matter (...hey..that's punny.. and awesome..I'm going to make it my blog title.. I LOVE THIS BLOG!.. sometimes stuff just materializes and i'm like whoaaa where did that come from and it's totally groovy and i can go off on tangents or use run on sentences and mispspell words becuase i have no one to impress and i can follow streams of thought and see where they lead without even stopping my fingers as if they had minds of their own and then either read or not read what i've written and either clarify or not clarify my intentions or jsut scirbble and scribbl;e and scribble and scribble ).
Speaking of creativity and tangents...
something else that is so fascinating to me is creativity, how human beings have historically approached it, and how it is changing in the age of mechanical reproduction and digital media. IE. when great creative artists of old like Beethoven created works they were only legitimate if the source of their creativity came from somewhere out there.. from somewhere divine.. was something that transcended themselves. And apparently African music is not copyrighted because it comes from "the Gods" etc.etc.etc.
This is what a renowned artist whose work I deeply love had to say about creativity...
"I feel intuitively that this work inhabits the same space as my painting "Causeway" but from the other side of the ocean, so to speak.
When I felt the vision [sorry to put it that way, but that's how it seems to me] i just sensed that I had to paint it, not question it. In such experiences the action of creation becomes a matter of faith or trust, not will. i approach it from the mindset of being a channel and interpreter rather than that of a "creator". Does that make any sense? It then falls upon me to do the best I can to realize the vision, not question it. Sort of like being a midwife instead of being an artist." (MW)
How cool is that? So I sent him some of my own thoughts about creativity and a TED talk video by Elizabeth Gilbert in which she speaks of the weighty expectations we place on artists and the idea that "instead of the rare person "being" a genius, all of us "have" a genius."
And his response...
"I know what she means about "losing it". I feel that when a creative idea or vision comes along, it's like as gift, not meant to be squandered. You gotta catch 'em as they fly by! That's why I always have a little sketchpad in my back pocket, a pen and paper on my bedside table!"
I love this.. life is a gift not to be squandered!! so how does that relate to digital media? If we are so caught up in attaching significance to every one of our thoughts then (maybe) we cannot distinguish the truly world-shattering, mind-altering, great ones from the mundane, worldly ones. If we are so caught up in experiencing life in order to project it online or use technology to capture it or manipulate it then don't have time to "catch" these creativity revelations. Technology is loud, and creativity feeds off of silence.
I'm presently creating something and the advice that my "mentor" has given me the most is "Let go. Just let go." Let go Let go Let go Let go Let go. of our thoughts, of hatred, bitterness, the past, imaginary ideas about the future, constructions of other people that we form in our own small minds and then project onto them, expectations, ideas of ourselves, of how we should be, of who we are, of what we are, of who we are, of who we are. I'll write more about this particular statement/topic after Christmas.
I remember one of my business professors at Fordham used to constantly stress the value of reflection. He taught us to act and then once we were done and had achieved results to go back and reflect on our actions. He taught us this idea as if it were common sense, as if reflection were an undeniable force by which to maximize efficiency and strengthen future results. I remember trying to argue with him about the value of reflection as an undeniably positive step, but he brushed my attempt off as if it were nonsense. But he was coming out of an age that didn't have the internet as a tool. He was so out of touch because he didn't account for the fact that the internet enables perpetual reflection. So I think win that one, 10 points.
Another grad school professor posed the question: "is Google destroying memory?" Maybe. I think what it is destroying is our capacity to appreciate life for what it is, a life for life's sake sort of approach. This is what the internet is diminishing.I've been trained not to reduce the study of life/humanity/technology to a hypodermic needle type model wherein a single acting force automatically "injects" effects into an object/subject, but I think that technology is a BIG cause of depression, sickness, lack of love, human suffering, and unequal human rights. What I'm suggesting is more than just a medium as message type deal. Human beings have feared new forms of media ever since the dawn of time. what does this tell us about human beings in general? Probably that we fear big changes. I know I do! In this respect, living through this time period will probably make us stronger, more flexible, and able to deal with change better than our parents or maybe future generations who are being born into the digital age and weren't around for its birth and subsequent integration into society.
In another discussion about music, my professor told us that he had attended a talk given by a bunch of big recording executives and attended by a bunch of talented Steinhardt musicians. The musicians were being classically trained, were struggling with their instruments, with perfecting their craft, sitting for hours in practice rooms, aspiring to be someone in the music world. Eagerly, they asked the executives what it would take to become someone who mattered, if they had to put in more hours, perfect themselves as musicians, etc. etc. and the executives' response was: learn how to use technology. Learn how to work music programs on the computer and manipulate sounds online.
That sort of makes me sad that the internet now even has the power to supersede struggle, practice, and patience. Actually, I think that when I get older and the world begins to come into its own and we come up with an acceptable technological infrastructure then I'll look back on these years, on my days in college, on my days on the web, on my forays into technology and remember them as depressing, scary, and characterized by marked ambivalence. These are things I love about life: silence, yoga, nature, changing seasons, when people I love use their talents to create gifts rather than buy things for me/others, love, family, macrobiotics. But I only love these things because technology is so pervasive, because I've seen both sides, I've been to heaven and back. But heaven is everywhere, so maybe giving in to the digital landscape instead of shunning it because the things I truly love about life are no where to be found in it is the answer.
When I embarked on this grad program I did so because I was fascinated by human beings and the ways in which they created themselves/forged their own identities. I was fascinated by neuroscience, by sociology, by language, by the many isms that comprise our world. The last things I wanted to do was study technology. Why? Probably because I've convinced myself that it is SOOOOO not "me." I'm a movement girl. I don't even really like words and talking. I'd rather dance. But maybe I've reduced myself, restricted myself, imprisoned myself in this false prism of Leilaness that inhibits me from truly appreciating/loving things like technology, the internet, movies, news, people who are heavily mediated, the media in general. But it is soooo much a part of our lives. Our lives are sooo heavily mediated that we can't help but be shaped by our surroundings.
So maybe loving people means loving the media, technology, the internet too. Afterall, it came from people. A part of me will probably always be partial to things that are REAL (ie. not mediated or manipulated by technology).. but maybe things of this sort don't exist anymore? Afterall, if people are so heavily mediated and it is people who we engage with, who we fall in love with, who teach us things and help us grow and make life meaningful (???) then there is truly nothing that is not mediated.???
As always, I DON'T KNOW! ertj9034tj340kgdrger There are ups and down and highs and lows ans trends that this blog goes through, but a few things have remained constant for me thus far; that learning is perpetual and life is constantly in flux and that Love is the answer.
A part of me feels like this segment of blog should be the end of this blog in its entirety since it is so important, and so truly, truthfully, deeply and honestly how I feel about life...
On another note, fear and love are opposite sides of the same coin and I have been excessively afraid lately. But this is not really who I am, it is just something temporary. Anything that comes out of my mouth (or anyone's for that matter) that is written in letters or blogs or spoken or acted out that is not all-encompassing, unconditional love is fear - fear of transitioning, of relinquishing the past, of newness, of being on my own, things of this sort. Any words, thoughts, actions or creations that I manifest and bring into the world or thrust upon you/anyone that are not aligned with this ultimate goal of seeing the beauty in all things, of truly saying Fuck you to everything that is not unadulterated, unconditional love are not really me- they are just some ulterior me, some ego-bound me speaking or acting or thinking on some worldly whim.
And this, I think, (what do I know?) is where the logical fallacy of life and love occurs - in the space between the real and the false - in assuming that one is the other, that my very essence is validated by what I say, do, act out, or create.... even though these manifestations of "me" might be motivated by fear - a transitory state of being. And this is why we tire of love, why we move on from a person or get anxious about the circumstances that we are in. But, ironically, it is these material manifestations that draw people to each other... so how now brown cow? hahaha... I just felt like saying that..... but really, people come to love each other for their idiosyncrasies so... I guess how now brown cow is a good way to end that thought.... hahahaha.
I'm blessed to be forgiven.
I'd like to run away
From you,
But if you didn't come
And find me...
I would die.
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