5rhythms

What's my favorite rhythm?
The one that's dancing me
The one that back flips into flowing off a six inch ego
and wades in the deep end of the floor
The one that ressurects old ghosts for cross examinations
and gives them a proper burial between beats
the one that scalps sins and crucifies lies
and exhumes poems for a positive ID
The one that seizes sinews
and throws the first stone at every glass house
The one that doesn't have a door
a key or combination but stays wide open
The one that
the one that
the one that dances me.

The different energies that define us... keeping all of them well fed, nurtured, unsuppressed.

Here's an experiment I've got brewing in the back of my mind...

First off, Gabrielle Roth developed a philosophy of dance called 5 rhythms. The rhythms are, in order... flow, staccato, chaos, lyrical, stillness.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5Rhythms

 If you think about the progression of things like putting together a performance, or having sex, or falling in love, or having a baby, working out, playing music, raising a family, storms, wars, nature- things of this sort - it becomes pretty clear why this order makes sense. it's almost intuitive. 

What if we strove to live every day according to the 5 rhythms? If these are the different energies that comprise our being, then what if we sought to live each day according to this progression, to make sure that every day we experienced at least one of these rhythms? This sounds deliciously fulfilling.

I've noticed that once I've been doing yoga for a long while, I start to crave sports, hardcore workouts, and other things that are not of the peaceful sort. InSaNnNNiTy.

Or when I've been living life anxiously - when I've been ancy, restless, unpeaceful in general, I crave exactly the opposite. peace.

If we know that these are the energies, the stuff of which we are made, then making sure that each day we allow ourselves to experience each of them - to go with the flow, to move, live, breath rigidly, to go a little CraZzZzZYyY, to meditate, to be silent - then would we not be feeding a side of ourselves that goes unnourished all too often? If health and wellness and fitness are all about maintaining a state of equilibrium, then shouldn't we feed our spirit as well?

Now why are the 5rhythms important to know and respect? Maybe because they shed such effervescent light on the natural progression of so many of the uncontrollable forces, relationships, things, stuff we come into contact with... and because so many people give up, give in, or opt out once the chaos sets in. We think that our lives shouldn't be filled with chaos, that that is not something that we need, desire, should have, should want. But if you can't experience or appreciate chaos then you may never be able to get to the stillness, that glorious, beautiful, peaceful, heavenly nirvana that you feel after you've been through the fire with someone, something, or some experience....

Maybe I am reading too deeply into something that is simply of the "you have to go through the storm to get to the sun" sort? But maybe it's also important to read deeply into things that we take for granted to know why we take them for granted, why we love them, why they make sense. After all, we've got a whole life to fill up, why not start by making our own sense, by paying attention to the way that life progresses and the commonalities that mundane expressions of life and living share with each other....

Everbody has a different metaphor for life. I've got friends who claim that music is their metaphor, that technology is their metaphor, nature, science, writing, gaming....  And they all work. Why?
I like doing handstands - finding different surfaces, positions, doing them for different lengths of time, engaging/disengaging different muscles, switching from one hand to another, wearing different clothes, hairstyles, doing them after i consume various foods or drinks, after i've stretched, after i've worked out- you know, switchin' it up a bit.. - because they are rad, but also because they remind me how important it is stay in tune with your body, with your own internal equilibrium, with the world's equilibrium, with humanity's equilibrium, that there is an equilibrium to be conscious of. So handstands, movement, dancing - this is my metaphor for life simply because I've spent a good amount of time consciously engaging my body in such things.

not to wax poetic, but to the dancer life is a dance. and to the musician life is a song. and to the computer expert life is a computer. and to the botanist life is a flower garden. and it's all so true.

It's wonderful hearing about how other people talk about the things that they love because you can sense similarities. And it's respectable when someone has invested so much time, energy, consciousness, and love into something whether it be music, technology, sports, etc.etc.etc. that they become aware and attune to its own innate dynamic, that it becomes capable of being metaphorized.

mmm. I want to become an expert in you. I want to experience you on new surfaces, in new positions, for different lengths of time, (lololol) where you're comfortable, where you're uncomfortable. I want to discover what makes you agitated, excited, blissful, grieve, joyful, what makes your soul dance, what makes your heart sing. I want you to do the things that you love and I want to discover why you love them and I want to love them too because I have loved as deeply as you. I want you to become a metaphor for me. I want to be able to rock out to your rhythm in unsuppressed jubilation. I want to create sacred space in which this all becomes conceivable, a space a of love, empathy, and infinite joy.

The 5 rhythms are a map to everywhere we want to go, on all planes of consciousness - inner and outer, forward and back, physical, emotional, intellectual. They are the marker on the way back to a real self, a vulnerable, wild passionate, instinctive self.

Hope and the 4th dimension

Hopefulness. Is it such a good thing? The best of things? Yoga, silence, meditation (things that are conducive to facilitating intense consciousness) and my preferred lifestyle in general has made me hypersensitive to retrospection and my general progression and stasis as a human being. And what I've noticed recently, or I guess been thinking about recently, is that a lot of the time I live my life in a perpetual state of hopefulness, of dreaming, of optimism - future orientated. Even the way I conceive of the people around me - as being made up of layers, as a multidimensional thing housed in this energetic body equipped with an ego and subject to the tides of externality, as being more than what they say, do, think, or feel... (but also only what they say, think, do, or feel) - is hopeful - pointing to something beyond, something inconceivable, like death I suppose. And this is what I mean when I say I love everyone (or strive to)... the rich man, the poor man, the talented man, the homeless man, the athlete, intellectual,  schizophrenic, guru... what you are is 60% a product of your upbringing/environment and 40% a product of your own doing/undoing.... maybe even 70/30 or 80/20.... and so if you fall into any of the categories that society admires like rich, talented, fabulous, athletic, intellectual, charismatic that's fantastic but also lucky. And if you fall into any of the other ones like poor, talentless, out of shape, dumb, boring that's also fantastic, just unlucky. And hearing your story, how you got to where you are no matter who you are, is fascinating.

This outlook has enabled me to not hold grudges and to not become bitter or adopt debilitating emotions like hatred or cynicism, but has it also inhibited my capacity to love? to connect? to create lasting relationships or things of duration? are these even things that I desire? Lately, in the past few months or so, I've stopped being so hopeful. Now, when I have to give a sermon at church or write a speech for this organization or that or give advice to someone or engage in conversation or listen to a really passionate and inspired something or other, I find that I am less inclined to use/less motivated by words like "someday" or "dream" or things of that sort. Just breath seems to be more sound advice and a better way to approach life. If you are always hopeful then you are never fully present right? But if you are never hopeful then the here and now is all there ever is and that is debilitating and even depressing sometimes.

This is not to say that I am hopeless, that I've given up on positivity or surrendered to the ebb and flow of mundane life - although I guess I've sort of made it sound like that. In actuality, being less hopeful has made me feel more alive, more positive, more present.

During an intense conversation last night, the topic turned to the 4th dimension and how we have tools like math and physics to point to it or angles and equations to try and depict it visually, but how we can never really comprehend it because it is something abstract. It is something that takes what we know to be true, reality as we know it, namely the 3rd dimension, and pushes it a step further, to another realm that we can only philosophize about. One of my friends brought up the analogy of a dog tied to a post circling round and round and how he could only understand his reality according to the radius to which he was bound. Like the Shaman in What the Bleep do We know? or the shadows in Plato's Allegory of the Cave... both the same sort of thing. So why does such a thing exist? Why have mathematicians and physicists conceived of the 4th dimension? Why are we hopeful? Why can't that dog imagine a world beyond the post to which he is tied? 

So how about this episode in Bikram the other day. Now Bikram is unlike any other form of yoga because there is a very, very specific 90 minute dialogue, a very, very specific way to enter in and out of each pose, and a very, very, specific way that you are supposed to approach the practice in general. It is not nurturing and it is completely unapologetic. In fact, I often refer to it as military yoga. One teacher starts her class by saying "all you have to do is listen to me for the next 90 minutes, let your mind go, and just do what I tell you to do." This is exactly how Bikram should be done. Now, there is a teacher at my studio who talks a lot, probably more than he should during the course of the class And there is a pose, in the middle of the practice in a room heated to 105 called Triangle pose that is pretty hard to perform at this point in the practice. The other day, while we were all in this pose, the teacher started chatting about the weather or something arbitrary like that. He went on and on and we stayed in the pose way longer than we had to. And this is one instance of many others that I can think of in many other studios. You come into the practice with the expectation that you are going to come out feeling peaceful, reenergized, mindful, not agitated, that the teacher is going to be soothing, caring, conscious of your needs or limitations. And then during some point in the class they start going off on a tangent, talking about something completely unrelated to yoga, often during a hard pose or a taxing moment when you just want to get on with the practice. And there will always, without fail be students who come out complaining "why was he talking about that? why couldn't he just get on with the practice? why did we have to stay in Triangle for an extra 10 seconds? I don't like this or that etc. etc. etc."

But this is exactly what yoga is supposed to teach you - how to stay present, peaceful, and unreactive in these exact situations. If yoga is the union of mind, body, and breath (definition) then it shouldn't matter what the teacher it talking about - it's just another moment, just another direction, just another recitation for us to absorb and respond to without judging it or reacting unfavorably to it. So a bad teacher is actually a blessing in disguise...   sort of like..everything... 

So then when does yoga stop being yoga? If I'm in a class like Bikram where I know that there are 26 poses done a very specific way and the teacher starts going off on a tangent or sacrifices the integrity of the practice in some way, shape, or form then what do I do? When does Bikram stop being Bikram? When do I start getting reactive? Or rather do I ever start getting reactive? Maybe we should place our faith in the law of natural selection as a means by which to weed out the good from the bad, the progressive from the lackluster?

Is yoga just a way to brainwash me into believing that life is nothing more than a sequence of disconnected moments? Is it? Why were we having that intense conversation about the 4th dimension last night and what is the point in discussing the state of the world, the future, galaxies, things that we cannot possibly fathom, things beyond our comprehension, comprehension itself, - what is the point of hope? And on the other hand, what is the point of discussing that chair over there, my nailpolish, the food we are eating, your haircolor, my present emotional wellbeing? 

Because this is what we do. This is how we stay alive. We talk about mundane things, we talk about abstract things, we talk and do and live and feel and maybe it's all just the same - different deviations of the same energy. All distractions. All ways to ward off death, to keep us alive, breathing, living, loving.

And so the 4th dimension is a really groovy intersection of the real and the abstract. It is stuff of this sort - worlds beyond, virtual reality, different articulations of timespace, the limitations of language... the esoteric, that I turn to whenever I am feeling frightened, egotistical, lonely, ancy, or any other unsettling emotion. Which makes me wonder if such concepts, such abstractions were only invented as ways to keep us balanced, in check, as reminders that this is not all there is because we were feeling anxious and nervous that this really might be all there is. And if so, is there any point in determining whether or not there is any Truth in such things? Maybe just thinking about the possibility of their existence is good enough.  If Life is a Great Big Balancing Act then it is about using the stuff/ideas/conceptions/abstractions that comprise our lives to keep us in balance, to help us stay sane.

the 4th dimension - an abstraction of the real that makes us think about the infinite possibilities that keep us living, breathing, loving. And it is abstractions of the real that keep the circle of life in motion, that keep us hungry and foolish - two very important things that I hope we stay. 

Rooms

I'm going to base this moment on who I'm stuck in a room with. That's what life is. It's a series of rooms, and who we get stuck in those rooms with, adds up to what our lives are.


I've never been more convinced of the veracity in this dictum. Traveling and experiencing new cultures comprised of a plethora of diverse personalities all united under some common understanding, under some unique vibe that echoes throughout their words, actions, thoughts, and understandings reveals this ... and discovering what that vibe is, what makes seemingly inimical individuals jive may be the ultimate puzzle.. and figuring out how you want to carve your own edges to make your own self fit into the puzzle is where life begins.. and all of the different ways we carve our edges in order to fit into the puzzles that comprise our lives is ultimately who we are.. and the coalescence of all of the different vibes reverberating off of each other creates the abstract mortal energy that structures our world.


So then when we enter into new situations, new "rooms," is it really about being yourself, or is it about finding the vibe, reinventing yourself in light of the vibe, and acting accordingly? Maybe all of the different situations, experiences, adventures we get ourselves into are not just different ways to experience ourselves, but rather things that merely serve a didactic function, namely to expose us to the ultimate truth that there is no one vibe, and thats the fun in life; trying to fit in in light of the different vibes that comprise our lives. 


When I went to my brother's graduation this weekend we had a picnic at his fraternity. The way the frat brothers talked about each other to parents or introduced each other was totally predictable. "Oh so-and-so, he's a spectacular guy. Probably the best such-and-such I've ever seen. He's going on to (insert accomplishment here) and he's going to be incredibly successful."  Totally positive and complimentary all the way. That was just the vibe. And to outsiders it looks as if these are the nicest guys on the planet. And don't get me wrong, they were great guys, but they were also wise to the vibe, respectful of it, and totally subservient to it. And this is just one instance of many... Everything has a vibe, an energy, a raison d'etre driving it forward. Everything is puzzling, alive, essentially predictable once you figure out why. 


Ironically, predictability seems to have inherited a bad reputation. The minute we discover that something, some person, some way of being is predictable, the minute that we discover how we can manipulate, excite, entertain, or make a person or group feel a certain way we become disenchanted, disillusioned, bored, or even repulsed. So we look elsewhere for excitement, newness, unpredictability. But at other times we crave predictability, something reliable, something constant......


So what I'm wondering is if the way we talk about each other, the things we say, the way we are, the things we do when we are in these environments, when we become wise to the vibe, are completely empty, just different ways for us to fit in. From the inside.. unifying, instructive, disingenuine, ways to different between us and them. From the outside.. spectacular, genuine, and fresh. So in terms of these different subcultures, are there such things as better or worse? I mean positive energy does breed positive results right? But negative energy can also be unifying. And if it is closeness, understanding, empathy, connection that we seek, then does the type of energy really matter? Or is it all just energy... 

Life Circles

The act of questioning is also the act of exclusion, of growing ever more distant from the norms or common denominators that unite communities and people. It is a tricky decision, whether to pursue the light of truth and expansion of mind or resign oneself to the comfort of community and connection. This is the circular route I see my life taking constantly...


moments of bliss ~~~> moments of existential wonderment~~~> moments of despair ~~~~> neutrality ~~~> moments of bliss~~~~~> moments of existential wonderment ~~~~> moments of despair ~~~~> neutrality ~~~> moments of bliss (ego on joyride) ~~~~> moments of existential wonderment (why am I here? who am I) ~~~~> moments of despair (I am no one, who cares) ~~~~~> neutral zone ("conclusive" state of being as determined by this ongoing process).


... sometimes the states of existentialism and despair are reversed... but for the most part...


bliss ~> existentialism ~> despair ~> neutrality. 


What makes me happy is being able to identify this trajectory. Knowing before hand that a high will not last forever, that a great adventure like doing a play or dancing or whatever it is that gives you that high will ultimately not last forever, that it will ultimately transpire into existential meanderings that then more often than not lead to despair because they remind you of the answer to the exact question that they seek to answer (will this high last forever? is this IT? have I found my PLACE? answer = no), and then descending into a state of neutrality, of peacefulness, of neither happiness nor sadness, of just simply being, ...... (this might not be a coherent sentence hahaha).... the fact that I have come to a point in my life, that I have lived long enough and been attentive enough to be able to determine that this is LIFE, this is the circular process that we (I?) go through, gives me hope, happiness, makes me joyful...it essentially keeps me going. 


The seeking is better than the sought.
-cirque du soleil

People...

Love means in general terms the consciousness of my unity with another, so 

that I am not in selfish isolation but win my self-consciousness only as the 

renunciation of my independence and through knowing myself as the unity 

of myself with another and of the other with me.

(the nation and its fragments)

.... moreso than anything else, do not like feeling displaced. We create and perpetuate all of these crazy theories about human beings not liking to feel imprisoned (by a person, institution, place, emotion) or not enjoying abuse or other forms of "violence," but what they really despise more than anything else is not feeling like they have a place in the world, that they don't matter, that they are nobody or dead to the world or lonely. I'm thinking of the old man in the Shawshank redemption who, after being in prison for virtually his entire life, committed suicide once he was released. I am thinking of myself and how I can go from one lifestyle to the next (in love with school/learning, in love with a person, in love with God, in love with dance/movement, in love with reading, a book, family, blah blah blah...).... and be in love with all of them.... they all offer essentially the same thing... a chance for me/us/human beings to feel placed instead of displaced... to feel connected, to feel like we belong....

I didn't mean to throw God in there with everything else...

and then we die..

but in the meantime there are cool things we can do...
 like try and figure out what our "destiny" is.. and then realize that it is only our "destiny" because we had been bred, since childhood, for such...

or get married and share in the absurdities and perplexities of life with something/one that is constant...

or ....

Sermon

Sermon – Leila Noone

Throughout the course of our human lives, we encounter many different people from many different places. There are those who enter into our lives in passing, those whose memories linger long after they leave us, and those whose influence seems stay with us forever. We are inspired by so many different people; by movie stars and models and politicians and revolutionaries and athletes and intellectuals. We measure success and progress in so many different ways, according to so many different standards. Then, suddenly, we realize that we have been swept away by the rush of life.

We often forget that the most profound and inspiring things are often the messages that are right under our noses, that we need look no further than the little things that people in our own personal lives say to us as wellsprings of inspiration.  

My grandmother was a beautiful writer. Whenever she would give us grandchildren birthday cards or little notes or random letters, she would always sign them “don’t forget to say your prayers.” Even after she had passed away, we would find little notes and letters that she wrote, all ending with this simple reminder about the importance of prayer. I used to read them and think to myself “oh Nuna, you are so cute,” never fully realizing how profound this simple statement was, how truly powerful prayer can be. “Don’t forget to say your prayers.”

In today’s gospel, Jesus extricates a demon from a possessed boy. When his disciples ask him why they were not able to perform such a feat, He responds "This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer." He reminds us that “All things are possible to him who believes."

 Belief and prayer go hand in hand. When we pray, we are aligning our thoughts with something that we believe in, directing them towards a goal. Prayer, in essence, is a meditation driven by a belief in things-not-seen.

An Orthodox Monk described prayer in the following way:

 "The prayer of simplicity consists of placing yourself in the presence of God and maintaining yourself in His presence for a certain time, in an interior silence which is as complete as possible, while you concentrate on the divine Object, reduce to unity the multiplicity of your thoughts and feelings, and endeavor to 'keep yourself quiet' without words or arguments. It is not difficult...it is marvelously fruitful. It is like a welcome shower of rain falling on the garden of the soul. It gives a most powerful assistance to the efforts which we make in order to avoid sin and to accomplish the divine will."

Prayer and belief go hand in hand. My grandmother realized this when she signed each of her letters “don’t forget to say your prayers.” She in turn passed this message on to her own children. When my brother and I were growing up, my own mother told us never to get her presents during the holidays or for her birthday. Instead, she would ask us to write to her. One birthday, she had us write down our short term and long term goals and where we saw ourselves in 10 years. Today, I see my brother living out that same life path he had written down all those years ago, accomplishing the very things he wrote down on paper both academically and athletically at his university in California. Just as the act of prayer is precluded by the act of believing, so the act of describing precludes the act of creating. We can literally create ourselves into whatever we want to be simply by aligning our thoughts according to a predetermined goal. By praying about that which we believe, we can create our very own live paths and actualize the principles that God wishes us to live by. 

So I’d say the advice that my grandmother gave to me is worth internalizing. Forget your keys. Forget to eat. Forget your schedule. Forget the groceries. Forget your homework. Forget your bad days. Forget your good days. But don’t forget to say your prayers.   

love

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine