Jams

Remembering. For as along as I can remember I have really loved “jams.” Not the kind you make from strawberries, but those events that draw likeminded people together to improv and play without much formal instruction. I think this affinity started long before I can remember, sitting around with family telling stories, making music, and entertaining each other through “family shows.” Always being drawn to movement communities, eventually this desire to share, grow, and create with others in a wild environment drew me to movement jams - parkour jams, contact improv jams, acro yoga jams, ecstatic dances, open gym nights, capoeira jams, fire jams, aerial jams, and many others. When these activities are able to occur outside and in environments that mirror their essentially wild nature then they feel extra special. This affinity also drew me into a world of festivals where I discovered whole communities of likeminded individuals eager to improv their way into creating something meaningful through other things like music, art, cooking, gardening, etc. Eventually, it also drew me to Austin and to many of the people, spaces, and communities that have been such an integral part of my life. I think that sometimes as we grow older and get “good,” or at least are told we are “good” at things, some of the magic became lost as the playing field feels no longer leveled and we ride the wave into growing and prospering as individuals. Getting back into jam mindset -where we can all grow learn, share, and become through and with each other is always such a beautiful process of self-reflection, benching the ego, and remembering to tend to the delicate balance of looking inward and gazing outward that fosters the most joyful existence possible. Individual self-growth and community building can go hand in hand. Figuring out the balance is a fun and sometimes difficult challenge. Over the years, I have been lucky to both facilitate and attend many different kinds of jams and it has been such a joy experiencing the growth that takes place within them. Navigating boundary lines and creating containers that allow for these events to exist is another interesting part of the process. I notice that keeping the value and purpose of jamming in our hearts can guide us towards the things that will allow us to manifest the events and ultimately the life that we want to create. Ultimately, I think that authentic expression through jam life leads to more resilient communities and a more connected world. And being able to trace something as simple as just sharing stories and playing music with family in the backyard to the people, events, and spaces that I feel drawn to today and wish to manifest tomorrow is the greatest joy.

Choices

The person who has hurt me the most is myself. And it is my choice to rise up and choose love and acceptance or sink down and speak from a place of fear and insecurity. My fearful self wants to tell others that they don’t matter. My love-filled self wants encourage others to express themselves and tell them that they matter a lot. It is always our choice which of these parts of ourselves gets expressed and over time, these expressions become who we are. The paradoxes and perplexities are infinite and I feel life is wanting me to learn some lesson -it’s coming at me in a hundred different ways, from all sides, trying to teach me. Something about adapting, change, commitment, love, acceptance, and security #life. and ultimately I would like to be the kind of person who operates from a place of love and understanding instead of fear and insecurity. I want us to lift each other up instead of bring each other down. I want our emotions and feelings to be valuable and for us to communicate and help each other act lovingly. I suppose it is a life long question how to remain open, understanding, compassionate, and loving while also wanting to feel safe, secure, and loved. How can we be open but also want certain things to be closed and off limits? I feel like I’ve made more mistakes in the past year than I have in all of my years combined. But I guess I am also grateful that these mistakes are my teachers and that I gained a lot of compassion having done things that I previously thought that I would never be capable of doing. In a sense, I needed my world to be shattered because I was holding on to it too tight. And I still have so much work to do, but I suppose that’s the art of life. There are so many paradigms that I have previously operated under that I feel shattering, in a good way. I feel like my whole perspective on performance art in general is shifting. I feel like my whole perspective on dualities is shifting. I feel my whole perspective on many things is shifting and if life is art then I suppose the art of it is remaining curious about these changes and learning how to dance with them. In a weird way it also makes me happy when we all love each other. I feel grateful to be forced into learning hard lessons and for so many chances to question and grow. I feel blessed to be in a community where we can express our love for each other. The paradigm of duality seems so riddled with fear and insecurity. But it also feels like a good opportunity to grow something strong and meaningful. I’m really not sure how I feel about it. I love that we can feel free to express our desires, emotions, concerns, etc. Anything I say that makes others feel undervalued is just a reflection of some fear or insecurity that is personal to me and I’m projecting it. I feel like life is wanting me to learn some lesson and is coming at me in a hundred different ways, from all sides, trying to teach me. Something about adapting, change, commitment, love, acceptance, security #life